There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
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I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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