she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
