she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
