Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
