I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
