of course. lets lasso hookers.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
