He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
