I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
