Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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