im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We got so high we made milksteak
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
