she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
