he puts the penis in happiness.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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