fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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