i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
