I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
