you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
