Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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