i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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