Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
