I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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