If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
