So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
