do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just cut my nipple shaving
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
