I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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