Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
