I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
