haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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