I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
