there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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