It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
