Will you blow on my dice?
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
