I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
