I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He? As in you personified your dick?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
