Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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