This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
