I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
