break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
