im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
