Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
