I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
