Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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