He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
