K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
