i love accidental penises.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
