Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
