he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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