My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
