i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
