I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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