He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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