Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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