Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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