Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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