she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i think i just lost a toe
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
