i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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