she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
