Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
