just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
