They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
