I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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