so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
