He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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