I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
