remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
