I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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