Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
