The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He shit in the fireplace
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
