Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
