It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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