Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
