Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just gift wrapped bread.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
