So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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