wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
