Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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