In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
